Ben Martinez

"Taste the door handles. The ones on the inside taste like burgers and fries! Best door handles I've tasted all day!"

"Don't look anyone wearing a suit in the eye. They can detect if you have a soul. If they detect a soul, they expose their sharpened teeth and consume you."

"The prices are good, staff is nice, but I swear every time I come in here, I want to punch at least one of he shoppers. Do you get a discount for being a jerk here?"

"The "Mob Boss Dog" is a hotdog with mozzarella sticks on it. How rad is that?"