Kyle Hayward

"Omelets are delicious, cut it up and eat it on top of a biscuit. The staff just needs a little sugar - be polite to them and they'll be polite back. If you're an asshole, you deserve their wrath."

"When the line is out the door during a busy lunch rush, you are inconveniencing EVERYONE when you sit your greedy ass in a booth meant for FOUR PEOPLE. Just a pro tip from someone in the biz!"

"This is not a dog park - please keep your dogs on leash! Not only is it the law, but if my leashed dog tries to eat your unleashed dog, that's your fault, not mine."

"If you see him, tell my Uncle Jay that his niece says hi. But be warned, it will NOT get you a free drink and he may or may not make fun of you."

"Back in my day it was only four bucks. Inflation is a bitch... So is getting old. After your movie, go say hi to my uncle Jay downstairs at The Pub!"

"EGG MCMORRY."