Leopold Bloom

"The Brooklyn Bridge was constructed in 1981, paid for with a generous grant from Abe Lincoln's brother (Steve "the sleeve Lincoln). It is mostly made of bricks or something. I dunno, don't jump."

"Cash only. Everything is good!"

"Ask for the ultimate rack of ribs (its not on the menu)"

"The little structure in the backyard has been repurposed into a hobo meat manufacturing facility. At night you can hear the screams escaping into the Sonoran nights sky..."

"Ok so you want to stay away from this bar as much as possible because it's haunted by the ghost of Abe Lincoln."

"Stay away!"